


Rapture is a Boy

by Oingo223



Series: Rapture is a Boy [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Love, Other, Romance, The Marauders - Freeform, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oingo223/pseuds/Oingo223
Summary: Remus and you have always had a playful, loving relationship but his behavior around the full moon leads you to assume the worst. A huge fight ends with the two of you heartbroken. Will Remus reveal the truth behind his behavior?  And will you still love him afterwards or has he truly lost you forever?
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Reader, Remus Lupin/Reader
Series: Rapture is a Boy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142591
Kudos: 4





	1. Paper Skies and Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Young Remus Lupin x Reader
> 
> Warning: some angst sprinkled into this one, get ready for loads of it later, bitches like em’ sad, it’s me, I’m bitches. Also, there are some cuss words, nothing too bad though. Self-doubt, cheating is mentioned.
> 
> Authors note: I try to keep my writing(self inserts) gender, body type, ethnicity and house neutral/not specified. If I ever slip up please let me know so that I can change it. Remus’s/3rd POV is italicized, it switches back and forth briefly to better show the relationship and luv. Ahhh to be in love with Remus fricken Lupin….

It was so hard to focus with the most tantalizing pair of eyes burning into my back. I’ve felt them from the second my professor started to drawl on about the “rich history of muggles and witches” at the very beginning of class, it was now nearing the end He was currently speaking passionately about the Witch Burnings. I can hear James, Sirius and Remus chatting quietly here and there but never once have those eyes of his left the back of my head.

_Remus, your boyfriend was admiring the piece of apparel you stole from him in a rush this morning, one of his favorite sweaters. He almost curses himself for not giving it to you sooner, he thought you looked beautiful._

I try to focus on the lesson at hand “and as you all know, Wendelin the Weird was burned at the stake 47 times. All in, of course, all in a different disguise. No muggle will outsmart a witch everyone, especially not after my class…” He chuckles to himself smartly and this time I do turn back to Remus who rolls his eyes in response to the teacher, he breaks out into a huge grin as I try to hide my laughter.

I wish I could have heard the joke James just told because all 3 boys burst out laughing, only for the Professor to give them a mean look. Remus apologies for the three and they all shrug ‘cooly’ to one another when the class won’t advert their eyes, and continue conversation. I scoff to myself in a laugh of disbelief and wonder, how they’re able to stay so aloof and smart is beyond me. But I’ve spent enough study nights with the whole gang in the library to know that they are more like hard workers than they let on. They’re, in Sirius’s words exactly “…not daft pricks. Just pricks here and there, ya know to spice up the ancient bore that is this school.”

The class is now more on-edge after the Professors mood was slightly damped, and it was for this same reason I decided to fully commit myself to paying attention. But I was finished before I started, his eyes were back on me and now the smile Remus reserved just for me, as all lovers have one, is an image that won’t leave my trap of a mind. I gave up trying to pay attention long before, but a tickle on my cheek brought me back to life with new curiosity.

There, fluttering in front of my face is a beautiful origami butterfly. It lands briefly on my nose and my friend beside me began to giggle, she watched as Remus had his wand out and was instructing the little thing on where to go. His tongue stuck out in concentration but there was a ghost of a smile as he watched me laugh softly. My friends constantly envied our relationship, because they admired moments like these. The butterfly soars down to my desk and lands, showing off it’s snow white wings before dropping and unfolding itself before me.

**You look extra beautiful today. Must be that dazzling sweater you’re wearing. Who would have thought you have such wonderful taste? -R**

I giggle and blush at every sweet word, and yes even the arrogant remark about himself, because it is both funny and rare when he subtly appreciates himself. I just wish he could be as sincere in loving himself as he is to me.

_Remus watches you as your blush and smile deepen in vibrancy each time you re-read his note. He could not contain his adoration if he tried, and it was his bright smile in your direction that caught the Professors attention. He watched with narrowed eyes, words still falling from his mouth about wizard and muggle interactions in History. He watched as you smirked, licked your lips, and leaned forward over a piece of paper. You flipped it and wrote a few words on the back before muttering a charm. He started to walk towards you, Remus watched with horror. He tried to signal to you but it was too late. You turned the paper into the shape of a star and it went darting into Remus’s direction. A shooting star._

The class fell awfully quite as I spun around with a devilish smile to see Remus’s reaction, but instead I was met with my professor towering over Remus and prying the note from his hands.

_“No, sir-” The professor grunted and Remus spared you a quick look, you shook your head looking desperate. He turned back to your teacher and yanked the note back with a charming smile. “It’s just silly notes, Sir, really,” The class waited, everyone held their breath. When was the last time Remus denied so openly? Pranks. Yes, common business. But this open act of defiance over something as trivial as a note is a rarity from the Remus Lupin. “Just a silly note then, huh? Wouldn’t mine me peaking at it then, huh, Mr.Lupin?”_

The teacher stared him down with bitter eyes, I looked at the pair and shrunk down while I spoke. “S’ alright.” I laugh nervously. Remus hesitantly hands the note over and my face goes red. There was no way I’d let Remus get detention for a silly note, but I might just with the contents inside. I hoped on everything good and holy that he would read it quietly. Not in his head. And not out loud. But luck was laughing and pointing fingers at me today. “You look extra beautiful today…” The Professor glanced at me from down his nose and under his glasses. “…must be that dazzling sweater your wearing. Who would have thought you have such wonderful taste.” He cleared his throat and Remus smiled softly at me. “She does,” Remus interjected, I hear some of my friends “awe” and Sirius made a gagging sound, James had half his hand in his mouth trying to stifle his laughter. As if he hadn’t been caught saying more embarrassingly sweet things to Lily.

_You smile back to Remus, but he titled his head in confusion, his smile faltering slightly, my ‘grin’ came out as more of a grimace. Did he embarrass you? He thought in horror. But then the professor turned the note to your side and when he started to read Remus knew exactly why your face was flushed and your head hung like a beaten dogs. “Very dazzling indeed, though I think you’d prefer it-” He once again cleared his throat and now he too, was blushing. “Prefer it off of me. I’ve been thinki-” “Right Professor, I don’t think that was for you. Quite pedophilic if ya ask me.” Remus fights his own chuckle and mortification, and tries his best to protect you from the onslaught of laughter and embarrassment. The loudest being the howling cackles of Sirius and James. The professor burned red, and grumbled under his breath, shoving the note into Remus’s chest. He quickly pockets it._

I am half packed and ready to run seconds before the bell rang out. I burst past the doors like a bat out of hell and only turn when I hear the joyous laughter of Remus. “And I thought I ought to be embarrassed bout what I wrote,” He hugged me as I whined into his chest, inhaling his scent and reveling in the calmness it gave me after mortifying chaos. “Bugger off…” I say, he hugs me closer and lets me bury my still very hot face into his neck, hiding from the whispers of others. “awww.” He hid his chuckles with a kiss to my hairline, but I heard the bastard. I glare at his chest but soften as he squeezes me tight, when a particularly rude laugh echoes through the halls.

_He was greatly enjoying the comedy of it, though he wishes it was not at your expense. If it made you feel any better he’d later show you how much he enjoyed your full message to him. “s’ alright love, they’ll have better, more nonsensical things to chat about by the end of lunch.” He says in an attempt to make you feel less anxiety about it all._

I nod at his words, and emerge from his hug with a laugh of my own, hoping it’ll drown out my mortification. But that did not last long.

“What ‘ave ya been thinking of again, (y/n)” James rushes out, as if he’s had it planned since the note was read aloud. He burst into laughter again and Sirius was right beside him, hand clutching his shoulder for support as he just managed to get a remark of his own in.

“Yeah, m’ surprised to see ya still have that sweater of yours on.” Sirius barks out, James doubles over now and Remus pushes the two away. “You’re pricks, the both of ya.”

You four walk down the corridors and though they’re taking the piss out of ya, the 3 boys glare at anyone else who dares to look down at you or call you names.

Today was one for the burn book of course, but I couldn’t help but to enjoy Remus’s warm hand in mine, and the lightheartedness of the group today. For the rest of the evening we met up with Peter and Lily and ‘studied’ which really just became an event of who could make the others laugh the hardest, and who can best re-tell the events of History class for Peter and Lily. It felt as if the sun had worked its way into the room, and shone brightly on the lot of us. Filling us all with warmth and joy. I’ve enjoyed today so much because lately I’m beginning to notice quite an inconsistency in our happy times together. Remus is very open with me, or at least I always chose to believe such nonsense. I look at him now, illuminated by the common room fire, head thrown back in laughter, shoulders shaking up and down, the flames light dancing across his scars. I’ve never seen something so beautiful. And I’ve never felt something so beautiful, so all-consuming and passionate as our love. I look at him now and want to believe that things are going well between us, but they simply aren’t.

Tomorrow may be like this again, pure bliss infused with some normal teenage drama. Maybe it will be this great even, for a full week. But soon, he will begin to grow distant from me. He will become quieter, and more aggravated towards Snape and others, he’ll pull away from all but James, Sirius, and Peter. But then, those boys too will get distracted, acting weird. Leaving Lily and I to observe and ponder the behavior of the boys, and degrade ourselves quietly as to why they seem to isolate themselves from us. Sometime soon… it will happen, it always happens. But it never annoyed me to the extent that it has recently until Lucy Diamond, a Witch a grade below us, who started to walk occasionally with Remus in the halls, or to breakfast and flirting. Oh god, the constant flutter of giggles and laughter from the two made me sick. Half the time they’re interactions were brief, but sometimes I’d catch him share a smile with her and spark a long interesting debate about something or humor their conversations in other ways that made my head spin.

Lily assures me that it is just basic human kindness, but she too will glance in confusion at the pair some nights at dinner. Just the thought of Remus cheating on me, makes my throat dry up and my stomach shrivel up and drop with it.

****

Remus was pulling away from me again. We walked in silence with the others chatting around us, his eyes were on the moon’s powdered appearance in the still baby blue sky. It was only mid-day. I squeezed his hand and followed his gaze.

“S’ almost a full moon. Beautiful isn’t it?” I smile up at him, he smiles almost sadly down at me, nodding, god I didn’t think it was that bad of an attempt to converse. But then his smile grows and he looks straight into my eyes as he says…

“I’ve seen prettier things in my lifetime.” I laugh, and he can’t help his small chuckle at my blush. He told me it looks beautiful but personally I’ve never liked the whole tomato look. I lean into his side more and bump into him with my hip. He bumps me back and we giggle like school girls through the hall. Then Snape walks by. Oh Snape, must you be such a dick all the time.

He shoulders into me roughly, if it weren’t for the way Remus held onto me, I would have fallen over.

“Don’t you have eyes Snape, or is the view from so far up your arse blocking everything?” Remus all but growls, we’ve all turned around to face Snape. I tug on Remus’s hand to signal for us to go, I’ve never liked the way Snape and the boys are with one another. But Remus lets go of my hand and steps forwards. Snape sneers down at me.

“I thought whores enjoy being touched. Excuse me (y/n) if I wasn’t rough enough for your liking, I’ll do it much harder next time,” He drawls out smugly, his friends behind him laugh. It was clear he was referencing my very inappropriate note to Remus last week. I burned hot from both anger and embarrassment, I went to defend myself but the voices of all our friends cut me off, beating me to it. And then there was utter silence.

Remus was hunched over, his knuckles already turning red. By his feet lays Snape, crouched on the floor, holding his nose, but not even the make-shift dam of his fingers could stop the flow of blood.

“Bastard! You prick,” Snape hissed, already grabbing for his wand, Remus fisted his hands again and from the corner of my eye I see James whip out his own wand discreetly, Sirius already toe to toe with one of Snape’s goons. Lily ready to spar as well, her own wand gripped tightly in her hand. Peter stood behind us, his fingers twitching and he’s eager to pounce. But nothing happened. Because the bell rang and students filled the hall, hardly sparing any of us a glance despite the blood on the floor. Snape points his wand at Remus “You better hope you never see me again Lupin, next time I’m coming straight for you.”

“It’s a small school, I’m looking forward to it.” Remus spits out through gritted teeth. Remus and Snape stare at one another for a long time, and with baited breath I think maybe not even the crowd around us will stop them. Remus looks so angry. I walk softly behind him and slide my hand over his shoulder, and take his hurt hand softly with my own. “Lets go, my love,” I whisper into his ear. He relaxes only slightly, tugging my hand he leads us out of the halls and rushes me to the entrance of my class before running off without a word. His breathing was rough the whole time, and I watched as Lucy’s eyes follow his figure, and then she is off, racing after him. To calm him down no doubt. My heart turned into slabs of stone and fell down to my toes. Lily no doubt saw the expression on my face, she walks up to me slowly. “You should talk to him. No use letting it build up, yeah?” She urges me sweetly, squeezing my shoulder before walking into class. I stare down the hallway long after they are out of sight, I wonder where they have gone? I wonder if they are alone? I shake my head and decide to take Lily’s advice, I will talk to him about it all tomorrow.

****

Now I love Lily dearly, and I’m not saying any of what happened next was her fault. In all and every sense, it was my own fault. But the party we threw the night before all hell broke lose, was definitely her idea. And it definitely heavily influenced what I did next….


	2. Chocolate Pudding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: brief talk of weight (as someone who is overweight I would never write anything or imply that being overweight is a bad thing, I know society deems it as less beautiful but the truth is that we are so beautiful, every single one of us despite our weight/size or appearance, we just have a different journey to self-love than those who are conventionally pretty, a much harder path to confidence no doubt, but let me remind you that you are breath taking because most to all of beauty is the uniqueness that one has), some angst sprinkled into this one, get ready for loads of it later, bitches like em’ sad, it’s me, I’m bitches. Also, there are some cuss words, nothing too bad though. Self-doubt, cheating is mentioned.
> 
> Authors note: I try to keep my writing(self inserts) gender, body type, ethnicity and house neutral/not specified. If I ever slip up please let me know so that I can change it. Remus’s/3rd POV is italicized, it switches back and forth briefly to better show the relationship and luv. Shit will go down in the next chapter, enjoy the little amounts of fluff and joy in this one while it lasts mwhahaha!

I was distracted in class for the second time this month, all because of Remus Lupin. He plagued my mind, and now Lucy accompanies him even in my thoughts. I didn’t mean to jump to conclusions, and I almost never do. But Lily saying I should talk to him, and Lucy running off to comfort Remus when it should have been me, pushed me into a full spring leap. And the conclusion I leapt to was a heartbreaking one, but with all the confidence of the world I believed it. It’s the only thing that makes sense with what I know now. He’s cheating on me.

He told me earlier today, he will be studying in the library with the rest of the marauders before dinner. I will meet and talk to him there, I decided, wringing my fingers and then wiping the sweat off on my robes. Because although yes, I do think he could be cheating on me, I know Remus is a great person. Great people don’t cheat, right?

“Lily, you don’t think he’s cheating do you?” I blurted out, whispering it softly to her through her blockade of dark red hair. She turned to me flabbergasted, her mouth agape to me.

“No,” She says definitely. “Remus is not that person…” There is a silence as I nod blankly at her, I know she is being truthful but she wants to say more. I tug on her robe sleeves, I need to hear what she wants to say but can’t bring myself to ask aloud. What if I don’t like the answer?

“But I think, that ya should talk to him about it. He seems off, no? Maybe it isn’t Lucy at all. You’re jumping to conclusions.” She gives me a pointed look and I nod now in both acceptance and thanks.

“You’re right. I’m being a git.” We both laugh, my mind now eased slightly. We continue to talk amongst ourselves here n there throughout the class. I mentioned James once and she glares at me, but I smile and say,

“Gee Lily, your hair looks awfully bright with that complimentary blush of yours.” She nearly shoves me off my stool. Spending alone time with Lily (despite the large group of students around us) was refreshing, I felt a lot lighter. But the thought of this up coming confrontation with the love of my life once again settled above me like a dark cloud.

It was the last period and it ended minutes ago, I am now making my way up to the library. To Remus. The doors were heavy but glided over the floor as I opened them, the room smelt of old books and dusty pages. I inhaled deeply and smiled to myself, it smells slightly like Remus. Speaking of, his laughter rings out and without a second to waste, Peter, Remus, Sirius and James are shushed aggressively. 

I turn around the corner to finally meet them and they’re huddled over some large piece of parchment. Giggling and whispering to themselves, heads nearly clinking together. I clear my throat as so not to intrude. Remus quickly turns to me, his eyes wide in surprise before he stands and hugs me, enclosing my head in his chest.

“(y/n), what a lovely surprise. How was class?” I muffled a hello into his sweater, and can hear shuffling around, from the boys and only when the sound ceased did Remus let go of me. He rubbed his hands down my arms, and smiled warmly down at me. Before I could answer James leans his head in his hand, breathing heavy, he turns to me. 

“How’s Lils? Ya have that class with her, right?” I roll my eyes and sit down beside them, Remus stands behind me. The paper is gone but I pay it no mind.

“Yes,” I chuckle to myself, remembering her blush at just the mention of his name. “She’s doing quite well actually. And you boys? Any mischievous plans stuffed up your sleeves? 20, maybe?” They all look at one another and shrug, Peter shook his head yes. Sirius hit his arm and shook his head no, dramatically until Peter followed along. Then the two turn to me and I laugh, not pushing the obvious truth of a scheme from them. They’re sly when they want to be, so this was a definite bashful action. Cheeky.

“Hey love, we’ll meet you down at dinner yeah?” My heart sank for the 2nd, no 3rd time that day. When did Remus get so dismissive? The boys stared up at him a little, mouths agape before they turned to me with soft smiles. 

“We’ll miss you dearly until then,” Sirius adds, once again in high spirits.

“Yes, and don’t eat all the pudding in spite.” Peter makes sure to add after last time I did such a thing. It was Peters favorite and he once said I looked bigger when I returned at the train station for the beginning of the year, after the summer of puberty, when really he was just awkwardly talking about how I grew taller and more into myself, good bigger, he thought. But, like anyone with ears I assumed he was calling me fat (fat and all shapes and sizes is beautiful and worthy of love and appreciation, but when someone, such as Peter, implies such a thing to another, in such a way, they could only mean it harmfully so of course I was not going to let that shite slide), so that night I shoveled in all the chocolate pudding before he could get even one bite. 

Remus was laughing hysterically with the other boys, as I smirked a blob of pudding fell out between my lips, and Peter looked like he was going to cry. I remember Remus pulled me aside that night to clear up the misunderstanding. He awkwardly confessed it was about my surprising change in appearance, and that I actually look very beautiful. We snogged later that year and the rest is history. (Though the romantic build up was a lot more romantic than just snogging, Remus can be a romantic kind of guy, now was not once of those moments.)

I turn to him.

“Okay. See you then!” I fake the cheeriness in my voice and hope my breath isn’t too shaky as I go and kiss Remus’s cheek. He kisses the very edge of my lips distractedly as I pull away, far from our usual goodbye kisses. I make my way out of the library before stopping in my tracks to yell something over my shoulder.

“The pudding is yours Peter, though it’ll look more appetizing each time you bring that night up,” I expected laughter, or for Peter to say something, anything in response but instead there is silence. I turn around to see the large parchment out again, and the boys huddled over it animatedly. 

Thoroughly aggravated, I huff my way down to the dorm and rant to Lily about it all. Then she suggests both the best and the worst idea we, as intellectual, well-put together (well we like to think so) people, have had all day.

“Well, maybe we could throw a little party? Lift your spirits a wee bit, huh love?” Lily suggest, after the fifth time I explain the library scene and how rejected it made me feel. Remus did not want my company, he sat behind my chair and waited until he could ‘politely’ tell me to go, after ignoring me half the day since the incident with Snape.

“And,” she continues, twiddling her thumbs anxiously. “it can be like an impromptu date for Remus and you, if he comes, because of course we’ll invite him-”

“And James,” I smirk, she glares at the way I rudely cut her off but I think she did it more so because of the blush that arose to her cheeks.

“er, sure. But as I was saying, it could be good for you too. I know he hasn’t been spending much time with you lately and everything.” She glances over at a giggling Lucy adorned in red and gold. I scoff bitterly.

“Yeah we haven’t. But ya know what, it’s nothing new innit. He always gets like this.” I stab my dinner with a fork and hear a chuckle coming up from behind me. Peter glances over my shoulder at the chocolate pudding bowl in front of me, seeing as it is still very much full he bows to me and kisses my cheek.

“Thank you, O’ so gracious one,” I can’t fight the laugh, though Remus may upset me, his friends are good blokes that always cheer me up, or at least try too.

The boys all pile in next to us, though it’s been a while since dinner started, they’re a bit late because of whatever they were doing in the library.

Remus saw you and his heart stopped you were, as always breath taking but tonight you looked off, you were stabbing your food with frustration, something must be wrong? You always happily eat your meals, and your laughter is always the first he hears when he walks into the great hall. He watches as Peter makes you laugh, he feels a little off seeing you act this way with Peter. You, lately haven’t been as light hearted around him. 

He sits down next to you and is eager to apologize for his behavior earlier. He wanted to take the words back right after his comment. As if he wasn’t feeling bad enough James and the boys ripped into him.

“Bloody hell mate, you might as well demanded she left.” The room was silent as all 4 of them nodded in agreement, Remus included. He sat down and grumbled to himself as they pulled out the marauders map. The very reason he was eager for you to leave, he didn’t want you to see the latest secret of his. Another one of his reasons to be riddled with guilt, he felt so dishonest with you. And he’s been more and more moody with the full moon coming out tonight.

Tonight, as they made their way to the shrieking shack they were going to map it on the marauders map. They were so close to finishing and Remus was eager to, between the map and his soon to be shift he’s had less time to spend with you. Which means less time with your smile, and kisses, and hugs and laughter and bloody hell did he feel like we was going through withdrawal. 

But he feels, though the boys disagree, that he should keep his distance from you before full moons. He gets too quite, and angry, and annoyed, he’d hate for you to see this side of him, and all his flaws, and leave him. He wouldn’t survive the pain, he wanted to marry you one day.

“ello’ darling,” Remus whispers into my ear, kissing my cheek. James stares at us before looking lovingly at Lily, who is looking back with raised brows As if to say ‘what now, potter’.

“ello’ darling,” James copies, leaning down to give Lily a kiss on her cheek but she pushes his shoulders back, nonetheless he pulls back with a smile. 

“Worth a shot, you’ll miss it one day Evans, once my heart has had enough and I become a reclusive slug,” He says matter-of-factly as he begins to pile food onto his plate. 

“I’d act quick Lily, he’s already beginning to look like one.” Sirius leans into to say, though his hair dangles in the pudding making Peter yelp. Remus removes the pudding and adds some to Peters plate.

“You should thank him, grease adds flavor to everything.” Sirius gasps and turns to Remus with slitted eyes. The whole rest of us are laughing, and trying desperately to keep the volume at a minimum as Sirius runs his hand through his hair and tries to rub “the grease” over Remus face.

“If only grease could erase that smirk off your face, mate. I’ll find a way,” Sirius grits as he wrestles Remus who is bumping slightly into me fighting him off. He turns his head during the battle of a lifetime, and apologizes to me for the rough housing, though the look in his eyes seemed like he was sorry for much more. I was taken aback slightly, so I shrug with a loving smile.

Eventually we all finish our dinner and Lily invites the table to our party, all of Gryffindor table actually. Many cheered and said they’d come and bring friends, some even declared to bring butterbeer by the jugfull. But the Marauders just stared at us with a frown.

“We, uh, we can’t make it tonight. Haven’t done enough studying for the exam. I can’t fail this one (y/n), you know that…” Peter trails off and I almost feel bad, maybe the party was a bad idea. The boys all nod along and Lily and I swallow our pride and doubts before telling them it was fine.

Lily holds my arm as we walk back.

“They’re just studying, nothing else to it.” But we both saw the way Lucy stuck behind as well.


	3. After All This Time, There Is No Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: angst, cuss words, self-doubt, angst, cheating, angst (but not as much as there will be later mwhahaha) 
> 
> Authors note: I try to keep my writing(self inserts) gender, body type, ethnicity and house neutral/not specified. If I ever slip up please let me know so that I can change it.

The common room walls seemed to pulse with the vibrations of the song, every ear in the room being invaded with music, cheers, laughter, and somewhere for some odd reason, screaming. Screams of joy of course. The party was alive and everyone had large smiles and butterbeer slipping through giggles or being shared through a kiss. This party would surely be talked about in the weeks to come.

But I was having a harder time of letting loose, and it would seem Lily is too. For our very reason for throwing the party could not make it, so what the hell was the point? Remus was off studying, James was off studying, so we had no lips to lock with our own, no body to dance and grip to, no one to have fun with in the way we wanted to tonight. Lily was sipping on a butterbeer, staring at the portrait with me, hoping they’d walk through.

“Ladies…” A hufflepuff named Paul collided into our sides, looping his arms around our shoulder. Lily to his right, I to his left. He was staring drunkenly at the portrait with us, his eyes going large and then small, as if he was searching for something. “What are we doing?” He chuckles to himself.

“I mmmeann seriousllyy, if-if you’re waiting for a snnog anny onne here will step up. Lilyy that is, she’s sinngle. I’d snnog you though (y/n) but Remmuss might tear mee apart-a-apart me.” He slurs, leaning in close to my face. “Pre,’ He mutters to himself “pretty,” he laughs again and saunters off, swaying his hips to the music, declaring he’ll chug another jug of butterbeer. I look at Lily and she stares back at me, mouth open and my own fighting a smile. Before we know it, we’re cackling like the bunch of witches/wizards we are.

“This is the worst, mission failed! M’ sorry Remus couldn’t make it,” Lily says, huffing hair out of her drink. The fire burning only brought out the red of her hair, she looked apart of the flame herself. I see why James was in love with her, she got her wits, charm, beauty, and kindness. So why would he miss this time to be with her? Does Peter really need the whole lot of them? 

“mmmh,” I agree wordlessly, “M’ sorry James couldn’t.” She sighs into her drink, cheeks burning and she looks up at me.

“Me too.” She mumbles. I’m taken aback to say the very least. I was always just teasing, I mean I had a hunch sure, but for her to really admit it. Well, I’m not proud to say that I stood there like a daft cow for roughly 5 minutes before she groaned and bumped her shoulder into mine. Hiding her smile and embarrassment with a final swig of her drink. 

“I- you- James?” Is all I can seem to get out of me, shock makes ya useless it seems. She nods slowly.

“Yes, I thought you knew already.” She shrugs, turning towards the raging crowd of drunk witches and wizards. 

“Well, yeah..” I shrug just as cooly and she laughs, pushing me with her arm again.

“Stop, you did not because Remus doesn’t know, and you tell him everything.” She points out, but soon regrets it as my smile grows wickedly large.

“(y/n)!” But I was already half way through the portrait, muttering to myself just loud enough for her to hear.

“Remus! Remus, I’ve got to tell Remus!” I’m laughing hysterically as she chases me through the corridors, our robes trailing behind us like a little sea of black rolling by our angles.

“No! Please, don’t!” She yells after me, both of us out of breath by the time we reach the same corridor as the library. “I’ll hex you…” She glares at me as we walk swiftly up to the library doors. Now, of course I would never ever snitch such a thing to anyone. This is Lily’s long kept secret and when I had my unrequited love for Remus she didn’t go blabbering it to him or anyone else, so of course I would return the favor of silence. My plan was to simply lead her to James, where they can now confess their undying love for one another after the secrets already out. But she didn’t know this.

“You won’t hex me Lily dear, you’re not that against James knowing. Why don’t you tell Remus yourself, or better yet, James!’’ I exclaim, smiling to myself for my own genius. God, Remus will be in more of a shock than I, all the boys will, no one more than James. She tilts her head in disappointment directed at me, we raise our hands and together we open the doors.

We are first greeted with an indifferent glance in our direction from Pince. We smile at her and nod our heads in her direction, then walk slowly (as in I’m matching Lily’s pace which is practically the march of dread) to the table the marauders usually sit. The table has all of our names scratched into the bottom.

I wish Lily would walk faster because I was bouncing to see Remus, he quickly apologized to me once again for being dismissive and it led to quite the kiss (or two) and left us with some unfinished business. We turned the corner of a large bookshelf and where we were expecting to see the boys, we instead saw no one at all.

“Where are they?” I ask Lily, she shrugs beside me, just as confused. Though her shoulders are slumped with either relief or disappointment, from the look on her face I can tell it is a mix of both. “Come,” I say wrapping my arm around her shoulder, “They’re bound to be here somewhere, yeah?” She mumbled back a yeah to me, and together we searched the entirety of the library.

But it was a waste of time. Hardly anyone was there, and certainly not the loud (yes, even when they study) boys we came here for.

But we did find someone of interest, walking back along the corridors we found someone perched by the window, staring out towards the forbidden forest, towards the shrieking shack. Lucy. Lucy is girl by the window. She looked worried.

I swallowed my pride and my anger. It’s irrational, I told myself, my emotions talking, not fact. I did all of this just to take two step towards her and ask a simple question. But the answer was anything but.

“Are you okay? And before you lie to us, you should know that we genuinely are good listeners and I like to think quite non-judgmental and-” Though I swallowed so much, I could not swallow my stress ranting, the one that spawns when I am put in uncomfortable situations, such as this one. A curse truly. But thankfully Lily cuts me off.

“Yes, so uhm… are you?” Lily asks. Lucy doesn’t even turn to us, she bites her lip and continues to stare out the window. We almost go to ask again, thinking she hadn’t heard us. But she starts speaking, her gaze never leaving the shack before her.

“I guess it’s always good to talk about our problems,” She laughs to herself, “Remus tells me that, says bottling things up only make it worse. I’m worried about him actually. Remus, do you know hi-” Her words fall short as she turns around and sees the expression on my face. Remus. She is worried about Remus, my boyfriend. Why was she worried? Why was he not in the library where he said he would be? What does Lucy know that I do not? 

Why does she care about Remus enough to sit and stare out of a window for hours? I quickly came back the conclusion that Remus was lying to me, about where he was, and who he loves. He has been cheating on me.

I stager backwards and Lily grasps my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. 

“Are you two friends?” She asks, without venom or even a quiver in her lip, but I felt like my world was crashing down. I was thankful she asked the question because I wouldn’t have been as composed.

“Yes, er- sort of, closer than friends actually” She smiles to herself like she just said the sweetest thing. But it was just another stab to the heart, another hand constricting my throat. Not very convincing Lucy, I think to myself. Lily squeezes my hand again and goes to lead us away but Lucy begins to speak again.

“You’re (y/n) right?” She knows me. She knows me? I nod numbly and Lily quickly says goodbye for us, and rushes us away. She partly carries me through the portrait, I trail lamely behind her, not able of thought. She trudges us up the stairs to her bed where she promptly lets me sit and breakdown.

“Lily…” I don’t get to finish the sentence before she pulls me in for a hug, I didn’t realize how hard I was crying until my sobs made our shoulders hit into one another. She hugs me tighter, running her hands through my hair. Shhhsing me softly, and whispering sweet things in my ear.

“I love him, I love him so much,” I cry out, fisting her shirt in my hands. I think I feel her wipe away a tear of her own. God, I must be such a mess to make Lily herself cry. But I am a mess. I feel as though my very home has been taken away from me. This boy I gave my heart to, this boy I gave my very own body and love to, was giving it all to someone else. I confided in him, I trusted him, hell I’d even die for him. But he was playing me, he was using me. I have been loving a stranger.

“He doesn’t love me…”Is all I can mumble to myself again and again, rocking in Lily’s embrace. We lay there until sleep takes us. None of the girls wake us up whether I belonged in Lily’s bed or not, they noticed the way my face seemed blotchy and I was frowning in my sleep. But more than that they saw the tired look in Lily’s expression, and the rage hidden deep within.

I woke up to the sound of rustling clothes, and parchment. The sound of the girls dormitory coming alive, and everyone preparing for the schools day ahead. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to lie there until I grew the strength to face my worst fear. Until I grew the confidence to walk out there, to love myself again when I felt anything other than beautiful or good. I felt disgusting, what was wrong with me that would make Remus feel the need to be with another? No, I didn’t want to get up until I was healed, until time would reverse itself completely.

But nonetheless I got up, because Lily was worried and Lily was watching and Lily was there to hold my hand and reassure me that I was wonderful, and worthy of love. That it was Remus. My Remus. Lucy’s Remus, it doesn’t matter. I love him, I still do. After all that happened, I wish love was something I could tear from me and leave behind, but it was at first a beautiful flower in my heart and now it is just a dead weed stuck in cracks. I will never be able to get it out.

Lily silently sits me on the edge of the bed. She fixes my hair for me, and wipes at my cheeks, and gives me a tissue. I blow into it, she throws it out. She kisses my cheek and waits for me to get dressed. 

At last, we make our way through the sea of students and staff to the great hall. The laughter of fellow students makes the lump in my throat all that much larger. My hands begin to shake and so Lily holds it within her own.

“Look at me love,” She says, “Remus does not deserve ya after the shite he pulled. Ya need to talk to him love, you need to break up with him yeah? Feel the freedom in your new single life and get out there. Paul said he’d snog ya, yeah?” I know she was trying to make me feel better, and it almost worked. Almost. But I was still very much in love with him, I don’t know if I can move on. After knowing Remus so intimately, how could I? Nonetheless I swallow my despair and nod slowly to her. She lets go of my hands and we walk straight to the Gryffindor table. Straight to the boys.

My heart swallowed itself whole when I caught sight of Remus. He looked tired, exhausted even. His skin pale, and he looked in pain. The other boys didn’t look any more alive, but they were laughing with one another, though in a more sedated way. Remus was in his own world, reading a muggle book I gave him a while ago. He promised he’d tell me all about it and that we’d find a way to watch the muggle movies when we can. We never will.

My sadness is suddenly replaced with an intense anger. With rage and hurt I walk right up to the table, I stand behind Remus. The other boys look up at Lily and me with easy smiles, but they drop as they soon further dissect our appearance and with it our mood. Sirius goes to wolf whistle as if he was excited by the fact one of the boys were about to get hounded into, but Lily raises a hand and stops all sound at the boys part of the table.

I clear my throat. He is still reading, he smiles to himself as he reaches a rather humorous part of the book. 

“Remus,” I call, my voice sickly sweet, it seems to shock Lily. She begins to walk back, not wanting to be in the middle of the spitfire. But the boys seems to soak in the scene with amusement. Remus hums in response, and puts his thumb near the edge like he does when he is about to finish a line and then close the book, but I was above waiting now.

“Could you Remus, for 5 seconds perhaps give me more attention when I speak to you than some fucking book. It’s like I’m talking to a godamn wall!’‘ I lose my temper near the end, and now half of the table was staring at us. Remus doesn’t even bother to mark the page, he places the book down and whips around to me with wide eyes. The boys no longer looking humored at all, everyone is giving me odds looks. I’ve never once acted this way with Remus, all our previous arguments were resolved rather quickly.

“Great,” I smile too big at him, then turn to the boys. Every word dripping sarcasm and fake calm. Remus only frowns more, his eyes darting across my face and than to Lily searching for an answer.

“Now, could you all leave us be or are you going to be obnoxious flies on said wall while I speak to my boyfriend for the little amount of time I have managed to grab his attention?” I grit out every word, as if fighting my anger, I did not mean to be so hurtful but I am very hurt myself. Did the rest of boys know about Remus cheating? Instead of leaving, they stare at me in shock, after some time of staring James goes to ask why I am being so rude but I cut him off.

“You know what?” My voice cracks, I am losing my resolve. With every second I spend staring deeper into Remus’s eyes my anger fades into sadness. A great sea of sadness. “Never mind, I am being rude. All of you can continue to ignore me completely, Remus, my love,” My voice cracks once again and I will my anger to come back so that I may do what I have to next. “You keep reading that book of yours and for the love of god don’t stop for anything, I mean don’t ever stop because what on earth could be of a more pressing matter? And boys, keep your sweet asses locked in place because I do always forget how much of fucking arseholes the whole lot of you are!” Remus stands up abruptly and caresses my forearm, he wishes for us to talk somewhere more privately but I jump back at his touch. 

My lips curl up in a snarl “We’re over Remus! You cheat! You fucking liar!” I yell loud enough for the whole of Gryffindor table to hear, my anger has run from me completely and now nothing is left but Remus’s eyes staring deep into mine. 

His eyes, as they well up with tears and dart around the room. His eyes growing red and defensive at all the people looking back at him. His eyes meeting mine once more, his mouth falling open and closing again. He goes to speak, but at last, I watch as he can’t hold the tears back anymore. He rubs aggressively at his eyes, and rushes out of the great hall. His friends racing after him, not before Sirius shoots me a dirty look and James questions Lily with his eyes. 

And then it was done. The students begin to whisper behind hands and poke their fingers in our direction. The great hall filling up once again with chatter and gossip, I feel the color drain from my face and every feeling I previously had becomes overtaken with grief. It is over. I have lost him. After all this time, there is no love.

Lily catches me before I fall. She is now the one to rush me through the doors of the great hall, but we are stopped short. Stopped by the sound of horrible, horrible sobs and 3 boys trying their hardest to silence them. To comfort him. No pain in that moment would come to compare to the miserable feeling I’d carry around after that night. After seeing him lying there, body racked with sobs because of me.

Sirius looks up, he looks as though he is in pain as he bounces his leg and runs a hand through his hair. He looks around, anywhere but his broken friend. But then our eyes meet. 

He begins to walk over to us, Lily stands as my guard. But nothing could protect me from the onslaught that is an angry Sirius Black…


	4. In An Empty Corridor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: angst, cuss words, self-doubt, mention of cheating, angst, also I’ll mention that there is yelling and anger in this one, and a plot twist waaaaa… Also, Sirius’s pov is in italics this time, and Remus’s pov will be stated clearly. Read on, my dears.
> 
> Authors Note: All self-inserts I write are neutral, but if I ever do slip up and specify any information, let me know so I can fix it please :) If yall didn’t hate Lucy before, you sure as hell will now. Truths are unearthed in this chapter, and we discover more about heartbroken Remus. I’m thinking we have about 2-3 more parts before this baby is concluded, so I just want to stop right here and let you all know how much I appreciate your support and comments. It makes my day and nothing makes me happier, so truly I must thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope these stories give you half the joy that you give me. I ADORE YOU!!! (also I listened to Chiquitita by ABBA when reading the part where Sirius is comforting Remus, for editing purposes, and it made me oddly emotional help. The marauders 100% blasted ABBA, no denying it)

Sirius Black stood before us in all his rage and glory. He was fuming, his lips pale from the tight line he currently had them locked in. His eyes glared straight through Lily and into me. I almost cowered at the sight, I’ve never seen Sirius this angry at me before, I was almost shocked completely but then I hear Remus’s heartbroken muttering and his anger seems justifiable. Remus was so distraught he didn’t even notice Sirius leaving, or me standing half the hall away. 

Lily squeezes my arm from where she held it slightly behind her back, she was standing mostly in front of me and looking at the back of her head instead of Sirius reminds me why we’re in this mess in the first place. Remus cheated. Remus is a liar and I deserve to love someone who is honest with me…who trusts me and loves me like I love them.

I wipe my own tears away and try my hardest to ignore the muffled sound of crys and words streaming out of the boy I both love and despise, but also the gossip that seemed to spill past the heavy great hall doors. After gathering myself I squeeze Lily’s arm back and step forwards.

“It’s okay Lily,” Sirius puffs his chest out and lifts his head ever so slightly to look at me from down his nose, the same way Snape does. Sirius could be a real dick when he wants to be. I puff out my own chest and stand completely before him, both our eyes hardened for different reasons, yet both because of the same boy, Remus. “I won’t let him get to me, go on Lily, I’ll meet you.” Sirius squinted his eyes and waited till she was gone before he began speaking. Despite his temper his words were quite, for Remus’s sake.

“What the bloody hell was that for? Huh?” He begins to tap his foot now, words filled with a stinging venom. “I mean, ya happy now that you got his attention. You broke his fucking heart, (y/n).” He whips his arm around and points to Remus, who is being embraced by James and together they walk up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, or more likely straight to bed. His shoulders would move occasionally as he sniffed and wiped weakly at his nose. My heart broke all over again.

Snap out of it (y/n)! I tell myself. He did this to us, not me. I turn back to Sirius and fix my expression to one that is less giving to how shaken I am by seeing Remus in such a state. 

“Stop acting like he’s the victim Sirius! He’s fallen out of love with me, he’s not heart broken he’s just in shock.” Sirius stared at me with disbelief and something close to appallment, I continue. “He’s been so bloody distant and he’s keeping secrets, Sirius. He’s lies to me and then goes wandering off only god knows where. I’m sick of it. So if I broke his heart, then he broke mine first.” It is silent in the corridor. The students are not yet done eating but the conversation has dwindled slightly, they’d be coming out soon. The grey corridor seemed to amplify the tension between us until soon we drown in it. 

Sirius was finding it hard to make sense of any of this, but he understood your feelings. On many levels you were right, he has been sneaking around and he has been lying. Hell, Sirius helped him with half of it. But never once has Remus stopped loving you. Sirius stepped a little further from you and spoke with some barely there level of calm. But you cut him off, your anger all-consuming once again.

“You’re my friend too.” I watched as his face fell, as if he made the realization alongside with me and his shoulders sagged, he felt terrible. “Where were you on the nights I cried over him! Where were you when I carried around all these doubts and insecurities. You’re there for him the second his lip quivers but I have to yell at you for you to even try and understand how I’m feeling!” He reaches for me, his slender fingers grazing across my arm but I only shove them away and wipe my own tears out of my face. 

I didn’t mean to but I raised my voice with every word, it was too much. Losing Remus was too much. But losing all of the boys with him? That was just unbearable. “You can turn your back on me Sirius but I have been nothing but a good friend to you. So I’m sorry if you feel like you have to choose. I’m sorry that he doesn’t love me, and I’m sorry that I ruined everything…” I choke on a sob. It was all too much. Sirius catches me as I fall, letting me slump into his arms and fall apart. After a while, Sirius swiftly helped me to my feet, and walked me all the way to my common room. 

Sirius left without a word. He was no longer mad at you, he was sorry. He was tired and confused, his friends saw it as he entered the room, creases decorate his forehead like a crinkled map of unresolved emotion. His eyes were glued to the floor, and he gave Remus’s sleeping figure a weak smile before going to bed himself. Because above all, he was scared. He was scared that his best mates just lost their love for one another, the love of a lifetime, and he was unsure if they’d ever find it again.

Remus POV

Remus woke up blind. Or he thought that was the case until he realized his eyes were glued shut with crust and dried, dusty tears. He didn’t care, as he picked at his eyes and blinked them open, he couldn’t possibly look uglier than he felt. His bed curtains were drawn, so he felt the privacy he needed to stare at the drapes undisturbed and try not to think of you. Would he have to try to push you from his mind forever?

Because every time he thought of you he thought of love. He thought of your hair, and your beautiful, bright smile. He thought of your laughter, oh how it made his heart swell and fall into a deep state of comfort. He thought of your mind and all your quirks, and hobbies. The books you two read together, and the scary movies you cuddled up to. You were his home. He just adored you, loved you, and held you in the highest regard and you still left him. What did he do wrong? For as hard as he tried, he couldn’t push you from his mind in the slightest.

Remus could not stop replaying the dinner in his head. The way your nose crinkled in disgust down at him, and how your eyes were glazed with both tears and anger. He shivers just thinking about how upset you were, how absolutely heartbroken you seemed. You spoke with a frown and an edge and he still didn’t know why. But above all your words played like a broken record. They echo in his dreams, and even now in his wake.

He is a liar, but a cheat? He’s never cheated on you in his life, and he never even thought of doing such a thing. Jesus, since he got to know you in 1st year he knew you’d be close friends, but when he began to fall in love with you in 4th year he couldn’t even look at another person in such a way, without comparing them to you. And every time, without fail you’d come on top. His love for you always won. 

But he was a liar. He scratched at his face with his hands in frustration and was surprised at how wet they became. He was crying. Pathetic, he thought, he knew you’d see right threw him and leave. He shouldn’t be crying so much, he should have known. He didn’t deserve you if he was able to get so comfortable with lying to your face. He tried to suck up his snot quietly, but was sure everyone in the room heard him as he sniffed his cries away. Attempting to pull himself together again. Attempting to come to terms and understand that you were no longer his to love. 

But weren’t you. Wouldn’t you always be his to love, he thought. He has never felt something for someone so strongly, he knew the feeling would never leave him, he would love you always. 

“Oh bloody hell…”He whimpered, falling back into his pillows and trying once again to push you out of mind. He didn’t have to try so hard when a distraction came to him in the form of Sirius Black. Sirius yanked open Remus’s bed curtains and sat on the edge of the bed, blinking slowly at him like a cat as he took in the mess that was a very disturbed Remus.

“Ya alright, Moony?” Remus rolled his eyes at the question.

“Obviously, Sirius, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I was actually just going to ask you if you’d like to frolic in flower fields with me and dance to love songs.” Remus spat out, looking anywhere but his friend, Sirius only raised a brow, already accustomed to the fury of Remus sarcasm when he was upset. 

“Listen mate, we don’t know if they know about… you being a werewolf.” Remus finally looked at his friend, he thought so long ago that he had come to terms with who he was. So why does the thought of you finding out scare him so? The thought came to him numbly, he was afraid you would leave him. Well, it’s a bit late for that, he thinks to himself bitterly. Sirius continues. “So, you do need to talk to them at some point. Maybe…maybe it’s all a misunderstanding. Ya know, a rough patch. Don’t ya couples ‘ave em all the time, huh? Huh?” Sirius hit Remus’s leg with fake confidence, trying to boost his mood. 

The other boys cheered in agreement, false hope was poison but they weren’t sure how to handle this side of Remus. None of them have been this heartbroken since…well ever. 

So perhaps you didn’t know about his lycanthropy. But if you didn’t know then that only left him with more questions. What made you so upset that you ended things between the two of you? He tried his hardest to smile at Sirius, but they both knew it looked rather sad. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Sirius stood to get ready, the other boys already half finished. Remus stayed in bed. 

“Oi, by the way, Lucy wanted to talk to ya when ya had the chance. She asked around for ya she did. Probably to ask ‘bout how the full moon went.” James said with a shrug. Remus once again shrunk into his bed, already exhausted. He didn’t want to talk to Lucy, he wanted to be alone or with you (but on good terms of course).

“I’ll just see her another ti-” A single thought stopped Remus mid-sentence. It was that same thought that had him shooting out of bed, throwing on his robes and racing out of the boys room. He ran barefoot through the halls until he saw Lily walking amongst the crowd. He didn’t give a damn about every odd look he got, or every finger pointed in his direction. Because who goes out in their stripped pajama set with a half thrown on robe? Well, he did and he didn’t care. He had to get to Lucy. 

When he finally reached her he lightly took ahold of her arm and dragged her to an empty corridor, simmering with anger below the surface, though his composure was nothing but calm and his hold on Lucy was soft. In fact, him touching her in such a way excited her, her heart drumming in her ears she followed Remus like a lost puppy. He let go of her when they found a quite place and took several steps back, where he then begins to pace. Lucy watches him with her lip between her teeth, she was trying not to laugh.

“What are you wearing?” She giggled. He shot his head up in her direction before storming closer. Her smile dropped upon seeing how angry he was.

“Did you talk to (y/n) last night?” Lucy perked up at this question, a sweet smile crossing her lips she reached to caress Remus’s arm, to comfort him. He jerked away and waited for her to answer with a look of iron.

“Rem, of course I didn’t. We aren’t even frie-”

“Don’t lie to me!” Lucy flinched at the way he shouted, at the growl that came through his words. He just had a full moon, he was still so emotional she told herself, because she was both hurt and hopeful. She matched his expression with a hard one of her own.

“Yes, I did talk to her Remus. I made it very clear to her about what I feel for you. Remus, to me you aren’t my friend, your-” 

“Stop, just stop,” Remus’s voice cracked and he steps back to pace once again. Lucy walked towards him.

“No! I’m sick of being quite about this. Remus, I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you…” Lucy was crying as she spoke, Remus couldn’t even look at her. She walked closer and with each step she took forwards, he took two back.

“Shut up!” He cries. “Please..” He falls to his knees and Lucy goes to hug him but he pushes her away, crying into his hands. “They think I cheated because of you. They left me, because of you! They hate me.” Lucy knelt down beside him, he did not pull away this time as she rested her hand on his shoulder. It was clear, even to himself, that he needed comfort in that moment. His whole world has collapsed down on him. “(y/n) hates me…” He whispered once again, Lucy’s heart broke with every tear that fell into his lap.

“I’m sorry…Remus I’m so sorry.” It was silent between the pair, Lucy waited until he was done crying and back on shaky legs before she spoke again. She knew every word she said could set him off, but she felt like it needed to be said. So she wringed her fingers and spoke slowly, as if to a child.

“I know they broke up with you Remus, and I’m sorry that it hurts you so much. But is it really a bad thing?” Remus looked up at her with true disgust in his eyes, the kind that made Lucy speak faster, wanting to not be cut off again. “We work so well together and I know you! I know about your…condition and I still love you. I look past your…disturbing truth, when they don’t even know what you are. I love you just as much as them, if not, than more than they ever will!” Both Remus and Lucy were breathing fast. Remus’s ears were ringing, he felt sick to his stomach. Everything was wrong. Remus walked slowly up to her, and looked her straight in the eyes as he spoke.

“But I don’t love you, Lucy.” Remus spat out, wanting to say so much more. He wanted to shout at her, to scream and cuss and cry even more. He has never been so angry in his life. Lucy ruined a part of his life that truly made him happy, and feel loved and confident. She ruined your love and took away the comfort you gave him. And he’d be dammed if he let her do any more damage. So he walked away. 

Lucy watched his re-treating figure with shame. She didn’t move as the bell signaling the finish of first period rang out and every student rushed through the halls with friends to get to second period. Then Lucy saw something that put her into motion. Her shame, and disgust with herself grew overwhelming, she ran through the halls to the Gryffindor common room, where she threw herself onto the sofa and sobbed. The clear image of your tired, sad face burned into her mind.


End file.
